hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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