and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
