my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
