like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
