someone threw a dead crab at me
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
im about as happy as oj after his trial
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
