She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
