sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
