Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You may now shotgun with the bride
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
