Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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