there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
BRING THE BAGELS
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
