so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
