So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
