im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
