but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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