There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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