She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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