we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
this boner is exhausting
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
