Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
