I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
