My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
