I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
