you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
