I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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