I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
