It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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