i can't believe i had my finger in that
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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