Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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