He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
