just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
