I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
