saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Congratulations! We have a period
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
