I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I know her cup size but not her name....
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
