Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
