did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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