I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize