My brain says no but my pants say off.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
only if we run a train.
done.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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