I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
