I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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