Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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