i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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