I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
