i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
