i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
