who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
