I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize