i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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