her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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