So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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