so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
