I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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