Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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