SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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