I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
