can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
