I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
