I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize