I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
