Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
