i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
