I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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