I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
