She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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