Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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