Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
