My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
