I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
