A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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