Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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