I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
