I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
