Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize