i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
