sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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