Having a random hookup so left but love u
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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