Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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