Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
And the cops told us we were all naked.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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