when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
