Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
