i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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