Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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