ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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