You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
