If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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