I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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