Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
