Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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