I skipped work to stalk him.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
