Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
